breaking up with conformity

I don’t want familiar.

I’m done with comfortable.

All the books i’ve told myself for decades—the tapes i’ve played in my mind, the memories i’ve clung to, the past i’ve lived in, the volumes of self and the information of memory…

I just want free. I want to be everything You give.

So empty me of me. Take the trinkets, the boxes of horror, even the pretty things that I think hold value. I’ve been a hoarder, my fingers and heart crevices stuffed with myself, me, and i. full of things You never gave me. Now You’re offering me the gift of a lifetime—of eternity—but i’m too stuffed with high school pimples and what happened when I was two, to be able to receive from You. I’ve got all my yearbooks, that first break up, a lot of fear closets and some hidden lie monsters in the cellar, i’ve got pretty shiny things like thinking i’m good apart from You, some dollars and some thoughts I love that You know don’t make value or bring cents in Your Kingdom.

I’m full of trash that I call treasure. If only I could see this so I could finally fall down, give it all to You, so You could fill me with real treasure.

I want the heaven gold. I want forever jewels. I want You. You are the treasure. Your Presence the gift! So take these hands, erase them. Take this heart, break the idol factory. Help me careen to the end of myself so I can fly (more like fall) into Your hug.

I want to have space to receive what You give.

Help me let go.

Help me empty.

Help empty me so You can flood so You can fill so You make me Your home, come sit on the throne of my heart. come Lord come Savior come Friend. Initiate a demolition, a full rehab. Destroy all my interior so You can have Your way inside me. Get all heart real estate and take up all mind space. Get every cell and occupy each iota of all atoms. I love You, I need You. Come Jesus have all of me! I’m Yours Lord! Set me free!